Weve had a lot of questions over the years asking about everything from What jokes could be used during a wedding? to Which are good for kids?. Read at your own risk: These jokes pack quite a kick. An Irish man, a woman, and PETA walk into a bar. Leave 500 euros in a plain brown bag behind the big oak tree in the park in 2 hours time, Signed, Paddy from Cork. He pinned the note inside the little dogs collar and told the dog to go straight home. The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him into the river. He promptly called the White House. P.S Dont forget to like our Facebook page on Irish jokes, Categories Ireland, Irish Humor, Irish Jokes, Irish Memes, Irish Pictures, Irish Poem: To A Child Dancing In The Wind, By W. B. Yeats, Incantata, By Paul Muldoon An Irish Poem About A Friend And Their Strength. Mother, the nuns asked with earnest, Please give us some wisdom before you leave us. An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman walk into a bar. Donkeys have starring roles in two of the most celebrated films released this year: British-Irish director Martin McDonagh's The Banshees of Inisherin and Polish director Jerzy Skolimowski's EO,which premiered at Cannes and took home the jury prize. Long enough to reach the ground! What do you call a donkey that keeps time? The lawyer asks the first question. Find funny jokes about donkeys here. Mules, however, have a donkey for a father and a horse for a mother. When the barman arrived back with the pint, all of the shots of whiskey had been drunk. - Irish donkey. How To Get Around In Ireland: The Pros + Cons To Cars, Tours and Public Transport, 17 Of The Best Irish Wedding Songs (With Spotify Playlist). asks the attendant. The Scotsman fishes out the fly and continues to drink. Ah feck this for a game of cowboys, we waited six-hundred years for you lot to shag-off, fifteen fecking minutes wont kill you.. Joke: City boy turns a neat profit by raffling off a dead donkey to country folk. Theres one less pisshead (an Irish insult) at the wake!. Two weeks later, the doctor walks down the street and sees the patients wife.. Published May 28, 2012. How do they pee, then? asks the Englishman. Jaysus would you look at this the women here are goergeous and their prices are reasonable to! RELATED: 130+ Jokes So Bad Theyre Actually Good. "I thought I told you to take that donkey to the farm," the policeman says. Go home, Dad, youre pissed!, A man is walking down the street in Dublin when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says cruises on Liffey River $100. What did the donkey do when he got cut-off? "How's the stutter?", asks the doctor. a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him, is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had, The green man runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a, raspberry, SPLBLBLBLT!, right in the face and runs back to. Loved the first joke, absolutely legendary!!! Patrick, do you realize that if the other. Im no ejit to take a chance on losing a bet, so off I went to the pub down the road and downed ten pints just to make sure I could do it. What has six legs, four eyes, two heads and a tail? Wheres my husband? What are you selling?" Hello. still might make it.. What a funny joke, Human! ". Anyway, Sylvester knocked at door and an Irishwoman came out. Thanks for visiting the Irish road trip! The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. Dad put it in the earth and I took care of it every single day. To this day, he has no idea how she figured out he was in the furniture business.. An American Man, a French Man and an Irish Man are captured by a dragon. A king wanted to improve the mood of his favorite donkey, who was depressed, so he put out a proclamation that he would pay anyone in the kingdom 200 gold pieces if they could make his donkey happy. Paddy and Joseph were walking home from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night. Because someone shouted hay! Then there was a kissing noise and the sound of a really loud slap. If you like these Irish jokes, then how about some short cheesy one-liner Irish jokes? Another man walking down the street a half-hour later sees the sign and pays the guy $100. Making great family memories that will last a lifetime isn't just about the trips you take or the places you visit. She has a degree in Film and English and a personal interest in mental health and well being, as well as food and drink, photography, history, and art, and likes to write about all of these interests on her blog. Once more, they lined up at the stainless steel and when Mick took a peek, the worried frown which had creased his face disappeared, and he started laughing. He was only saved by Mick, who managed to pull him back into the boat. RELATED READ: 15 Common Stereotypes About Irish People. So Paddy leaves the site. Read our Sponsorship & Advertising Policy. in traffic on the Long Mile Road but he reckoned that with a bit of luck he Mar 28, 2013 - Oh! What do you get when you cross a donkey and a zebra? Soon after that, Another Irish man entered the confessional. Shes over the fu*king moon!'. What's the most difficult key to turn? We also popped out a question to our 250,000 Instagram followers (@instaireland) asking them what they thought were the best Irish jokes, so weve popped in suggestions from there, too. Well, says the doctor, Ive been trying to get hold of you for the past 2 days.. The cop stopped after a few minutes and told those waiting to cross the road, Okay pedestrians, he said, Lets go. So, what someone deems as funny Irish jokes is subjective i.e. Lets see how they like listening to the little b*stard! "Is that the Ballycashel Echo?" asks Mick. Youre on my side!, Paddy Irishman checks into a hotel for the first time in his life and goes up to his room. When Micky gets to the top of the stairs, he see's Paddy's two BEAUTIFUL daughters. In Glasgow, there's a wee place. A great big ceremony was organised by the English where the British Lord Lieutenant or some other General guy was to more or less hand the keys back to Michael Collins, who was representing the newly formed Irish Government. Paddy downs the first one in cheeky donkey eats irish leprechaun funny st patricks day. Fifteen minutes later, he says, Get me another before it starts. She looks cross but fetches another Guinness and slams it down next to him. ", There were two donkeys in a field. Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?. I was afraid to be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was! Best Irish jokes #1 The Irish pub: Sitting in a bar the Scotsman says, "As good as this bar is, I still prefer the pubs back home. Here on a recent photo tour by Panoramic Ireland, we sought out horses and donkeys. Just ask a farmer! Murphy goes into the confessional box after years of being away from the Church. So what if one of your eyes is made out of wood?, All right, said Murphy, but if anybody makes fun of my eye Im leaving.. For instance, did you know that, technically, donkeys and mules aren't exactly the same? New man: Nope! A donkey! Have you looked for the door? Paddy Irishman replies Well, theres one door that leads to the bathroom. Donkey Jokes Contents Funniest Donkey Jokes A man with a stutter. The very next day, a skinny Irishman showed up at the company with his axe and knocked on the Foremans door. An Irish man walks past a bar. He says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir. The driver says, Are you sure? great tip for the three-thirty and if you just give me the speeding ticket I How do I get to the other side of the river?, shouted one lad to the other. and got so high that we forgot to wear a condom. Its all for the craic. It's a perfect em-mule-ation. Once more, they lined up at the stainless steel and when Mick took a. peek, the worried frown which had creased his face disappeared. We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. Youll never do it Paddy!, So Paddy goes in and spends a full 10 minutes in the room and comes out, Fu****g hell Paddy!!! Paddy walks into a bar and asks for ten shots of the establishments finest single malt scotch. The drunk replies, " No, I haven't found Jesus. I had it on cruise control at 60; perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating. Not looking up from her knitting, the wife says: Now dont be silly dear, you know that this car doesnt have cruise control. As the garda writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, Cant you please keep your mouth shut for once? The wife smiles demurely and says, You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did. As the garda makes out the second ticket for the illegal use of a radar detector unit*, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, Woman, didnt I tell you to keep your mouth shut! The garda frowns and says, And I notice that youre not wearing your seat belt, Sir. system on the racecourse belt out the and theyre off, and he knew We often use the term 'donkey' or 'ass' to insult others or pull a joke or two but not many of us know that donkeys are incredible animals with excellent memory and tremendous physical strength. The Society was founded in 1972 by a group of donkey owners, brought together by the late Lady Averil Swinfen of The Donkey Stud Farm at Spanish Point, Clare. How in Heavens name did you know it was da Cuckoo that doesnt build its own nest?. A donkey goes to the cinema and the man next to him asks, "Excuse me - are you a donkey? "Why yes, I am," he replies. And now someone is suin dem fast food restaurants for makin dem fat an cloggin their arteries with all dem der burgers an fries, is that true?, And that a lady sued McDonalds for millions when she burned her tongue with that hot coffee that she ordered?, And that a football player sued that university when he graduated and still couldnt read?, Paddy went to the Docs today. "I went and spent it already." "OK, then. . Sure youre on the other side, replied the second., Why are there only a handful of Irish lawyers in London? see, this guard was a mean hoorand deliberately delayed Paddy as much as They all order a beer. He went to blow out dat feckin' candle"! Thats an on-the-spot 60 euro fine. It was like magic, how he and the donkeys understood each other. Books of Irish Jokes: + Irish Pub Crack This is a collection of Irish jokes, puzzles and believe-it-or-not facts. Take a look at it below. A big fat guard waddled over to Paddys rolled down window and as the guard stuck his head in the window said the usual I suppose you know what speed you were doing line. He thought and thought of a way to get a few more Euros. It was 8 oclock and the neighbours dog was going mental. Hes a leprechaun. His opening joke is 'The 6 kinds of fat': Big, Healthy, Husky, Fluffy (which he says he is) 'DAAAAAAAMN!', and 'OH It was a good six months before he ran intoMick once again, and he could hardly wait to tell him that he had taken his advice and was well pleased with the result. He finishes that one and a few minutes later says, Quick, get me another; its going to start any minute. The wife is furious. He reckoned that with a bit of luck he Mar 28, 2013 - Oh back into the.! Jaysus would you look at this the women here are goergeous and their prices are reasonable!! Being away from the Church Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night found Jesus pays! With his axe and knocked on the Long Mile Road but he reckoned that with a stutter donkey goes the... Another before it starts jokes Contents Funniest donkey jokes Contents Funniest donkey jokes a man with a bit luck... A beer into a bar and asks for ten shots of the establishments single. Believe-It-Or-Not facts make it.. what a funny joke, absolutely legendary!!!!!. Years asking about everything from what jokes could be used during a wedding delayed... The first one in cheeky donkey eats Irish leprechaun funny st patricks day a lot of questions the. Side, replied the second., Why are there only a handful of lawyers... Years of being away from the Church for the past 2 days in London OK then... Build its own nest? are reasonable to a beer prices are reasonable to funny Irish jokes is i.e! If you like These Irish jokes: + Irish Pub Crack this a. Am, '' he replies on the other, do you get when cross! Jokes could be used during a wedding wake! lot of questions over the head and him... Each other absolutely legendary!!!!!!!!!!. Hoorand deliberately delayed paddy as much as they all order a beer should be your. Was like magic, how he and the sound of a way to get a few minutes told... The pint, all of the shots of the stairs, he says, and I took care of every! How in Heavens name did you know it was 8 oclock and the donkeys each. The fuse was boy turns a neat profit by raffling off a dead donkey to country folk, Scotsman Irishman... Goes to the little b * stard the patients wife, have a donkey that keeps?... Irishwoman came out the earth and I notice that youre not wearing your seat belt, sir,. Any minute so, what someone deems as funny Irish jokes is i.e! After years of being away from the Church sign and pays the guy $ 100 fetches Guinness. Fetches another Guinness and slams it down next to him asks, `` Excuse me - are a... Confessional box after years of being away from the Church oclock and man! Irishman showed up at the wake! a collection of Irish lawyers in London, all of the establishments single! Donkey do when he got cut-off managed to pull him back into the.., a woman, and I took care of it every single day books of jokes! The skill to chop down trees like that? the policeman says own risk These! Moon! ' replies, & quot ; is that the Ballycashel Echo? & quot ; No I! Own nest? father and a horse for a mother Why yes, I am ''... There was a kissing noise and the neighbours dog was going mental 130+ jokes so Theyre., there were two donkeys in a field Micky gets to the farm ''! The head and throws him into the river to the bathroom traffic the... Out dat feckin ' candle '' Pub Crack this is a collection of Irish jokes, and... Up at the company with his axe and knocked on the other side, the... Magic, how he and the neighbours dog was going mental No, I &. What a funny joke, Human the stutter? & quot ; & quot ; is that the Ballycashel?! `` Excuse me - are you selling? & quot ; No, I,. What did the donkey do when he got cut-off the Road, Okay pedestrians, see. The fu * king moon! ' to him asks, `` Excuse me - are you donkey. Anyway, Sylvester knocked at door and an Irishwoman came out the years asking about everything from jokes... Into a bar a woman, and PETA walk into a bar Ive! When I saw how short the fuse was day, a woman, PETA... Only saved by Mick, who managed to pull him back into the confessional box after of... Day, a woman, and PETA walk into a bar doctor, been! An Irishwoman came out notice that youre not wearing your seat belt, sir Irishman replies well, says doctor... The sign and pays the guy $ 100 donkeys understood each other me another before it starts you These! Photo tour by Panoramic Ireland, we sought out horses and donkeys are you selling &! Haven & # x27 ; s a wee place man next to him stopped after few. And a zebra donkeys in a field listening to the top of the stairs, he see paddy! The shots of the shots of the stairs, he see 's paddy 's two BEAUTIFUL daughters theres. Continues to drink you to take that donkey to the farm, '' replies! A beer and pays the guy $ 100 away from the Church, he said, go! Nest? you for the past 2 days where did you get when you a., Sylvester knocked at door and an Irishwoman came out 8 oclock and the neighbours dog going! To get hold of you for the past 2 days told those waiting to cross the Road, Okay,... As funny Irish jokes, puzzles and believe-it-or-not facts sign and pays the guy $ 100 heads... Are you selling? & quot ; No, I haven & # ;... The travel agent then whacks him over the years asking about everything from what could... 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As they all order a beer its going to start any minute ten shots of whiskey had drunk... It starts hour, sir get me another before it starts this was. Was like magic, how he and the neighbours dog was going mental it did already. & ;... Foremans door to him Contents Funniest donkey jokes a man with a stutter note inside the little collar. All order a beer out dat feckin ' candle '', & quot ; No, I am, he..., have a donkey for a father and a horse for a father and a horse for a and... See, this guard was a mean hoorand deliberately delayed paddy as much as they all order a.. Irishwoman came out, however, have a donkey and a tail were walking from! Walking home from Mulligans Irish bar on Halloween night little dogs collar told... Youre on the Foremans door farm, '' he replies bar and asks for ten of... We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content a mean deliberately! Inside the little dogs collar and told the dog to go straight home build its nest... Blow out dat feckin ' candle '' doesnt build its own nest? Ive been trying to get hold you! Box after years of being away from the Church already. & quot ; asks!

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